I like comedy.
I’ve always liked spoof movies, I think they are very clever
and when done right, they are totally hilarious. A couple of my favorites include Airplane and
The Naked Gun.
Movies like Shriek and Scary Movie successfully brought
comedy spoof movies back from the grave and put them right back on the movie
map where they should be.
So what happens when a movie such as Scary Movie is really successful?
Yes that’s right they do a sequel, but that’s not the actual
answer I was looking for this time but thank you for giving it a go.
No what happens is that the other movie studios think “Shit
I wish we accepted that script now, right, let’s find another similar script
and get it the movie filmed and out before the fanfare dies down”.
Don’t get me wrong, it’s not all been totally awful on the
spoof front since the original Scary Movie was released.
Scary Movie 3 and 4, as well as Not Another Teen Movie were all quite
good.
You noticed I didn’t mention Scary Movie 2 didn’t you? Well no, it’s not a mistake; Scary Movie 2
was atrocious. It was so bad that I sold
the nearly brand new DVD for one pound to a shop just to get rid of the damn
thing!
So it’s been a couple of years since the last major spoof
movie, time for a really good one don’t ya think? Yes, me too!
So where the hell is it????
If like me you saw the trailers for Epic Movie you might
have been quite tempted to pop to the cinema to see it. If you did, I would like to apologize on
behalf of all real comedy writers such as myself (hehe) and promise that this
had absolutely nothing to do with us, if we had our way this movie would never
have been released.
On the face of it, Epic Movie looks great. It spoofs all of the latest blockbusters such
as: Pirates of the Caribbean, Borat, The Chronicals of Narnia and Nacho Libre
amongst many others.
The problem is (and I don’t know how the writers managed it)
that this film is just not funny. Not at
all! Not one tiny teeny bit. I didn’t
even laugh once during this movie.
Actually I did laugh once, but this was at one of the outtakes that
appeared during the closing credits, but I promise you, that was it.
In the business this would be called a Turkey. Now I know I’m a vegan, but, even if I wasn’t
I would seriously consider this an insult to Turkey’s that a film so terrible
should be named after one of nature’s creatures.
Epic Movie mainly follows the plot of the Chronicles of
Narnia: The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe.
Four orphans who turn out to be related have been brought
together by a series of golden tickets.
They soon come across a magical wardrobe and decide to have a look
inside it, and to their surprise they find it’s a gateway to another world,
fine, we’ve all done it once or twice ourselves so it’s not exactly unbelievable
so far. But they soon find out they are the chosen
ones, here to defeat the evil witch. I
didn’t see that one coming!
Something is going to try and scupper their plans though, it
always does..but this is a spoof movie so of course it’s not going to be
something normal such as a broken leg or the sudden loss of a much loved
grandmother.
The four will have to navigate through
as many movie references as possible, be it Charlie and the Chocolate factory
or Xmen. They’ll also run into some bad
guys who turn out to be good guys, such as Jack Sparrow from Pirates of the Caribbean.
There are even masses of farts to hear and great boobs to see, which, y’know, in
my normal everyday life is fine. But do
I really need to see a movie about them both?
I go to the cinema to get away from my daily routine not be reminded of
it!
The films big budget has certainly been spent; the sets,
costumes and actors all are really great.
I just think it’s a pity that the studio only had enough cash left over
to pay two eleven year old American twats boys to actually write and
direct this movie.
If it turns out this was an experiment to produce the
biggest comedy movie ever, with the real joke being that it contains no jokes whatsoever,
then this actually has succeeded with flying colours. Sadly I don’t believe this was the case.
It’s a real shame that this movie is just so awful as it has a very good cast; Kal
Penn, Jennifer Coolidge, Adam Campbell, Faune A. Chambers and Jayma Mays.
The last thing I must mention again is that the film is full
of fart noises. Now I don’t mind the
occasional fart noise, heck, sometimes I don’t even mind the smells too much. But the whole movie has one long fart joke running
through every single minute of the total 85 minutes of running time. Pretty much every character farts and not just
once, but several times. Totally unnecessary!
For anyone still reading… (You fool) I apologize that I could
not be bothered to watch the extra’s on this disc, but unless you only buy
movies for the bonus features then I don’t think this really matters too much. However if you do buy this movie, the disc
works really well as a coaster for your coffee mugs!
Do whatever you can to avoid this movie – don’t even buy it for your worst
enemies.
Not because your enemies don’t deserve to see a crap film, if your enemies are
anything like mine then they probably do, but the bastards who made this movie
don’t deserve another penny of our money!
I would rather draw out my life’s savings in crisp fresh banknotes from
Natwest, use it as toilet paper and wave goodbye to it as I flush it away
towards the beaches of Portsmouth.