The Quest
Johnny Logan reviews The Quest, a documentary about a group of college friends on their spring break who head to the beach on a Quest to get their mate some action. Johnny finds a film that while undoubtedly appealing to some, he himself finds it extremely disappointing.
Disclaimer: This is a review of an adult themed DVD and as such the review itself is of an adult theme. If you are easily offended by strong language we suggest you do not read this review.
This so called ‘documentary’ is about a group of mates who go on a vacation to Mexico to get their mate laid because he is a virgin, hence the title THE QUEST. They go to one of these Faliraki/Kavos type places built especially for young empty headed morons, where they proceed to get very drunk over there allotted time period, exposing the results to those of us unfortunate enough to have sat through this toss.
At the very start we are informed in a jovial voice over that all the events we will be watching are of the ‘as they happen’ variety. However, how many off the cuff documentaries have crane shots and locked off tripod shots at key narrative development points. The answer, if they are real and unstaged, none! The group consists of 7 mates, each one of them annoying in their own way. Hans, a fat geezer with a beard, is without doubt the most pathetic of the bunch. His mates extol his virtues as a guy who doesn’t care and just goes out and has fun. The problem is does anyone need the bullshit that comes out of his hole every time he opens it. There is also another one, god knows what his name is, but he is the latent homosexual of the group. When his mate falls asleep, hammered, he puts a condom on the end of a pen and shoves it up his mate’s arse, so he gets a surprise when he wakes up. I know there are people out there who like this shit, if you do then check this out, it is probably the ultimate example of this kind of show. Tits are everywhere, the beer flows, and a couple of horny dwarves even enter the fray as they are on their own quest.
If you enjoy seeing a group of rich kids doing the 21st Century equivalent of what the Nazis were doing pre WW2, this is definitely the show for you. Some people believe you can measure what is to come in the future, when you analyse present day morality, and if these pieces of shit are the future generation of American business men, then we have all got a lot to be worried about. And the thing is, they will be!
EXTRAS
DELETED SCENES (21 Mins)
This consists of 10 deleted scenes with segment titles like ‘Get Naked’, ‘Shave Yer Balls’ and ‘Night of the Giant Cock’. They are just an extension of the idiocy of these pathetic snot balls. If you like the feature presentation then you will love this section, it is full of humour, ingenuity and genuine love for ones fellow man.
HEDONISM 101 (18 Mins)
This is 8 segments that look like little MTV like segments for advertising purposes. Sections entitled ‘Pick Up Lines’ and ‘Confessions of a Drunken Mind’. Again these are full of fantastic moments that further emphasise what kind of pieces of shit go to these places.
The picture quality is excellent and the DVD itself well assembled. The sound is all clear and there is a choice of audio and subtitles to choose from. There are also 8 Menu languages to choose from, so I guess this version will be released in all the 8 territories mentioned at the side of this review (if this is the right word, ‘review’, that is).
I actually thought I might be able to get a few giggles out of this but the longer it went on the more I started to get pissed of with the mentality of all the featured guys. I’ve never had a problem with people going out and getting smashed but if ever there was a good reason for banning alcohol then this is the place to start. The so called virgin on THE QUEST eventually gets laid, with enough of a curtain open for the camera man to be able to see what’s going on through the crack. Again though, as the guy leaves her room, it is clear that he is high up in a hotel, yet the outside camera seems to be on the ground floor somewhere. This further justified my feelings that throughout this pile of crap it is all being staged for the camera. I am sure that there are some genuine moments of drunken patheticness laced into the overall feature but I guess all the narrative events are all staged. Living in Greece I am aware of how these rich kids are perceived by the locals and it really is a sorry tale. Not only do they generate a lot of hostility they don’t even care. I have also heard tales of the island locals going around late at night and killing themselves a tourist, many of whom never turn up and are only reported missing by their families. We have all heard the stories of the drunken women who are kidnapped and gang raped but again never report it. There is a darker side to this documentary but with the general ‘don’t give a shit climate’ that we now find ourselves in these are not even hinted at here. Two recommendations here, if you want to go on holiday to Kavos or see a similar type of place in Mexico then you have got to see this fantastically enlightening documentary about people who could potentially be your mates and one of the guys. If you hate these brain dead, arrogant, naïve, pathetic, pieces of shit then avoid this DVD like the plague, as you will probably feel like killing yourself at the end, or better still you will get a plane to the USA and kill one of them. This is entertainment of the lowest and most base form, or in the eyes of another, a masterpiece that you will be able to watch with your trousers round your ankles after a late night drinking binge (as long as The Sky at Night is not on of course).
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