The new look Digital Lard has been around for a couple of weeks, so I thought it was about time that we made use of this fancy new blogging system. I hope you’re all enjoying the lovely new site. Big props must go to our head honcho, Steve Kinsey, for all the hours he put into the redesign. You can smell the blood, sweat and tears on every single page.
I’ve been writing for Digital Lard for about eighteen months now, and most of the nectar sucked from my flowers of creativity have been about three of the twenty-two great loves of my life: the Nintendo DS, retro gaming and Doctor Who. Just go through the DVD and video game reviews and look for anything that should’ve been written years ago – chances are, that will be one of mine.
Seeing as this is a blog, I’m going to take the opportunity to be indulgent and unleash something on the world that I’ve been dying to put together for at least a thousand years. It’s my Top Ten list – a collection of my favourite video games of all time. Well, the first ten of them. Unfortunately, stuff like Gargoyle's Quest and Golden Axe: The Revenge of Death Adder didn’t make the list. Mostly because we don’t have screenshots of them.
It’s all too easy to make a list of the ten technically best video games of all time, or the best sellers, but that’s not what this is. This is a list of games that I have not only spent too much time with, but they have actually used voodoo powers to absorb life energy from my very soul and merged with my physical form. I love these games, despite their faults or age. Therefore, you might not understand, you probably won’t agree, but I hope you enjoy.
The first five are below, the final five will come soon. Why don’t you have a look, and then leave your comments at the bottom there?
10. Hero Quest (Atari ST)
Based on Milton Bradley and Games Workshop’s board game, this atmospheric, isometric underappreciated classic actually improves upon the original tabletop version. I loved playing this for real, but the computer version was an even more enjoyable version, making it easier to manage a game, develop a character over a campaign of quests and, essentially for my pre-teen self, make it a possible solo experience. Given the absolute cock-up of the history of Monopoly and Scrabble conversions, this one proves that it is possible to enhance upon the board gaming experience, and even make a basic level RPG out of it.
I remember that this one came with a security system, where you would have to match up images from the start-up screen with pictures on the pages of the instruction manual. I lost the manual, as you do when you’re ten and don’t realise that packaging materials and instructions are infinitely more valuable than the games themselves, so every time I wanted to play the game, I would have to indulge in some amateur hacking, tapping in random numbers until I got through. That’s dedication for you, and that’s why this earns a number ten spot.
09. Excite Truck (Nintendo Wii)
Now, I don’t dig racing games much, but this one is a supreme force in the racer world. What is bad about racing games – boring cars, slow progress and punishment for reckless driving – is thrown away, replaced with big ol’ MONSTER trucks, a satisfying reward system and points for reckless driving. Racing games have never made me feel more alive than this, and even though it’s only a couple years old, I still rank it as a stonking classic.
I took an exam recently, as I’m a hard working guy and constantly trying to improve myself. The fourth and final day in my study leave was accidentally spent repeatedly trying to complete the last two challenges in Excite Truck. The good news about this story is that I did complete the challenges. The bad news is that I passed the exam, therefore meaning I had to do two harder ones afterwards.
I suffer for my art.
Digital Lard said...
"If you love racing and you love stunts, or, just need a new game to play I really do recommend this game. I even recommend it to those of you who would normally not find a stunt racer appealing as unusually for a game of this genre it is just so straightforward to pick up and play, there isn’t a huge number of control combos to learn (thank heavens)." - Russ Greeno
08. Resident Evil 4 (Nintendo Gamecube)
I’ve already reviewed the Wii version of this for Digital Lard, so why not check out my feelings here.
It’s the pick of the litter from a series I have loved from day one, which was a tough choice for me to make as Resident Evil 2, my second favourite, kept on staring at me from the shelf and making whimpering noises. Still, I had to opt for this one, as it blasts a massive rocket up the enjoyable but previously stale bum of the survival horror genre, and redefines everything that we thought we once knew. I will be eternally grateful to the friend who bestowed upon me his unwanted copy, and subsequently drained three weeks of my summer. More fun than being eaten alive by zombies for real.
Digital Lard said...
"You play as the Jack Bauer wannabe Leon Kennedy, hero from Resident Evil 2. Moved from the police to the president’s special bodyguard, he is sent on the trail of the president’s kidnapped daughter, Ashley. Why? Because he’s so damn hard. During his investigations, he finds himself stranded in a small Spanish village, where the residents are a little on the peculiar side. Yeah, he’s seen it all before, zombies and all that, but even Leon’s a bit thrown when a chainsaw-wielding nutcase breaks down the door of the little house he’s found refuge in. Legging it up to the second floor, he finds that more zombies are propping ladders up outside and clambering through the windows. Yeah, you can push the ladders down, but they’re only going to pick them back up again. Oh dear, Leon – bet you wish you had kept that infinite machine gun you won when you completed Resident Evil 2 in less than two hours." - Ray Whitney
07. Grand Theft Auto (Sony PlayStation)
Look, you can take your “500 hours of gameplay, three hours to drive across the continent, more mini-games than Rayman and Bomberman’s litter of mutant children” Grand Theft Auto IV and the like and stick them where the sun don’t shine (in your PS3’s disc drive, of course). I'm all about the Ready Salted original.
The modern day GTAs seem so bitter and drab in comparison to the ball of sandbox fun that was the original incarnation. The only weakness it has, if you see it as one, are the old school graphics – but personally, I think they’re incredible and add so much life to it all. Plus, it seemed a lot more healthier when you were only machine gunning little, badly-animated blobs, rather than realistic-looking coked-up hoes.
I have, throughout my life, owned four copies of this game, which goes to show that not only is it a classic experience, but also that I’m more than a little bit of a loser.
06. Dino Crisis 2 (Sony PlayStation)
Wrapping up the first part of our countdown is this unexpected entry from Capcom. Bet you didn’t see this one coming, eh? Leaving its Resident Evil-influenced prequel in the dirt and exploding into a new, gun-heavy arcade version of survival horror, Dino Crisis 2 tested your ability to shoot dinosaurs to the utter extremes. The dinosaurs are nasty, in case you feel guilty. They’re not nice like that one off Primeval.
It’s fast, funky, hot and engaging, never letting the player rest and throwing amazing set piece after set piece at them until they can’t take anymore dino funk. I once took a day off work (in 2005) because I had bought a copy from eBay and wanted to play it through, twice, without interruption. I suggest you do the same, because it is unfair that this cool arcade banger isn’t shown any love. Get on the floor and do the dinosaur.
That’s the first five. I hope you didn’t fall asleep too many times. Most of all, I hope you’ll try out at least one of them. If you do, I would like to hear your opinions – just leave a comment after the article.
In the second part of this over-long article, we look at the last five games in the list. How exciting for me.